The Bookends of Life : Birth and Death

Birth and death are both profound and sacred transitions in life. Life is what happens in the middle. As a child I remember my mother returning from work as a nurse. She would announce when her patient died and always added “but the nursery is full. “That was my introduction to the circle of life.

The Labor of Birth

The moment we take our first breath we are guaranteed we will someday die. It is challenging coming into the world and challenging leaving. Birth and death have so many similarities. Both are transformations and take work to either enter the world or leave this earth. The work in birth is called labor in the first stage when the mother feels contractions and then moves into the second stage while pushing the baby out into new life. There is a silence, that sacred moment, and within seconds the gasp and cry as the baby fills its lungs with air. In the last stage comfort and safety is provided to the newborn by their new family, as the placenta, the lifeline of the past, is delivered.

The Labor of Death

In death the life force operating this vehicle, the body, is preparing to leave. Preactive labor can last days to weeks as the body eats and drinks less, withdraws more and is more sensitive to their surrounding environment. Breathing is altered and body temperatures change and fluctuate along with sleep cycles. The transition phase known as active labor may last hours to days. Physical changes in the body increase, the skin cools down and you may see mottling at the fingers and toes. Breathing is difficult, communication and awareness start to fade Emotionally, anxiety and fear may be present, some individuals relax and accept the changes especially when they are explained.

As an End-of-Life Doula I educate the family and encourage them to be supportive of their loved one. Using touch and talking to their loved one while walking them to the threshold. Reassuring the dying, sometimes through guided meditation, walking down a lovely garden path to the gate. Letting them know it is their time, that it is okay to go, and they are not alone. Death is the last stage, breathing is slowed, the final push may show strained facial expressions as the life force prepares for its exit. A few more breaths and then like a whisper they are gone, the final delivery with no heartbeat and no breathing. The lifeforce has left the body, a sacred silence envelops the room.

Someone once said, “we all need help coming into the world, and most of us need a little help from going out of it”. This path called life needs to be celebrated, embracing each and every precious moment until our last breath.